Understanding Your
Toddler’s Behaviour
Article contributed by:
Raffles Medical Group
ABCs for New Parents
Toddler behaviour can be
challenging. They
don’t call it the
terrible two’s for
nothing. It’s
important as a parent to
remember that this is a
normal part of child
development. From
about 18 months of age,
a child wants to have
the whole world at his
feet. That is
normal, and you as the
parent, will want to
teach your child how to
best fit into the
family.
Using the ABCs of
Understanding Toddler
Behaviour, you will be
able to know what is
really going on with
your child and hence
react accordingly.
A is for Antecedents
- you need to ask
yourself “what happens
before the behaviour?”
So, for example, when
understanding tantrums,
find out what happens
before the tantrum.
B is for Behaviour
- you need to be clear
what behaviour you are
looking for. If your
child has a few
behaviours you don’t
want, pick one you want
to change and start with
that.
C is for Consequence
- what happens once the
behaviour starts.
What do you do?
What’s in it for the
child? Usually,
the answer will be
attention of some kind.
Once you’re able to
understand their
behaviour, you will know
what brings it on and
the consequential
‘reward’. To
change the behaviour,
adopt a different
reaction so the negative
behaviour will
eventually die off.
It is best to try and
ignore.
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Toddlers - The formative
years
Toddlers are curious by
nature, and the new
things they encounter
everyday can be
overwhelming.
However, their
expressions are limited
by abilities. Be patient
and try to see it from
your toddler’s point of
view to gain an
understanding of what he
is going through.
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What do you make out
of foot stomping,
body squirming and
running rampant?
These are extreme
outbursts of tantrum
throwing. You
will be hard-pressed
to find a toddler
who does not throw
tantrums every now
and then. They
are at a stage where
they are beginning
to understand what
you are saying, but
they don’t have the
ability to express
themselves verbally
by piecing thoughts
and words together.
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Biting. It can
happen when another
child steals a toy
or even to you if
they don’t get their
way. It gives
them a sense of
power to draw this
reaction.
Monitor the biting
habit and try to nip
it in the bud.
Here’s a good
scenario to sternly
use the word “no”.
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Mine! Toddlers
are very egocentric
and do not like
sharing. If he
sees a child with a
toy that he wants,
he may grab it, not
realising the
consequences.
All you can do is to
teach them what is
appropriate
behavior, and over
time they will learn
to take turns.
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Imitating you.
If you are doing it,
why can’t I?
Parents always find
it weird how their
toddlers can say or
do something that
they have not been
taught. Fact
is, they are curious
and very good
observers, and will
learn your moves or
the way you speak.
So, refrain from
using vulgarities.
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Throwing things.
Kids love testing
the laws of gravity
by dropping things
from their high
chair and leaning
over to see how they
fall. It can
be pretty cute at
times. Then
they learn to throw
things, which mostly
is just for fun, but
when they start to
throw things during
a fit of rage at
other toddlers or at
you, discipline has
to come in.
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Dr Clarice Hong,
Specialist in Psychiatry
thinks it is important
to be patient with
toddlers.
“Understand their
reasons, explain to them
that certain actions are
not acceptable and try
to take extra steps to
calm them down. Try your
own form of mild
discipline, such as
time-outs or sitting
your child on a chair
and reiterate the
unacceptable behaviour
he has just displayed.
This will also help to
ease the anger level
lest you act on it.”
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Sibling Rivalry
This is often a
difficult task for
parents handling the
arrival of a baby when
the elder child is still
a toddler. The
development of mixed
feelings can be at the
heart of toddler sibling
rivalry. Unable to
express conflicting
feelings with words,
their behaviour takes
over.
Anxiety
There
is a lot of excitement
and anticipation in the
family when a new baby
is expected, and even
more when the baby
arrives. Toddlers
sense it too, and may
display signs of
anxiety, such as
sleeplessness,
moodiness, anger, extra
demand for attention,
clinginess or even
regressive behaviour
such as bathroom
accidents or baby talk.
Parents can talk to
them, discuss feelings
they may be having and
provide attention.
When words take over,
often the behaviours
will stop or lessen in
intensity.
Fear of Losing Love
The
fear of losing parental
love is especially
common for first-born
toddlers. The idea of
sharing parents’
undivided attention, is
disturbing.
Attention-getting
behaviour is common, as
is clinginess.
Parents can reassure
their children there
will always be enough
love to go round.
Involve the toddler in
daily activities, and
give him plenty of
undivided attention.
Resentment
Although your toddler
will love the new baby,
he may also resent the
baby’s place in your
life. The negative
feeling of resentment
can cause guilt, making
even more complex
feelings to deal with.
Spend time and talk to
your child, let him know
it is alright to feel
angry, and that emotions
should be expressed in
words not action.
Confusion
Your
toddler may not know how
to be an older sibling.
He may be shy or have
unrealistic expectations
about what the baby will
be able to do. Be
sure to teach your child
how to be a big sister
or brother – appropriate
ways to interact with
the baby thus increasing
the sense of connection.
Suggest the things he
may do, such as reading
or singing, and set
boundaries on what is
not okay.
Help with Sibling
Rivalries
Managing a new baby and
coping with a fussy
toddler at the same time
can be a serious
challenge, however
failing to meet the
challenge can result in
sibling rivalries that
linger into adulthood.
Remember this is an
ongoing process,
confront these feelings
head-on, listen to your
child and be responsive
to their needs.
Remind our children that
there’s no competition
and both parents love
them equally.
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Importance of Being
Emotionally Developed
Scientific evidence
shows that emotional
development begins early
in life, that it is a
critical aspect of the
construction of brain
architecture, and has
enormous consequences
over the course of a
lifetime.
Emotional and social
development are
inextricably linked to
cognitive development,
and we can’t have one
without the other.
“Emotional wellbeing is
a critical part of the
foundation of social and
functional competence
that is developed in the
first years of life and
affects a child’s later
ability to achieve in
school and form
successful relationships
throughout life.
These same capabilities
are also essential for
effective parenting, the
ability to hold a job
and work well with
others, and becoming a
contributing member of a
community,” explains Dr
Hong.
The emergence of mental
health concerns in young
children occurs within
the context of an
environment of
relationships that can
include a child’s
parents, relatives,
caregivers, teachers,
and peers. Science
shows that this
environment of
relationships plays a
critical role in shaping
a child’s social,
emotional, and cognitive
development in the
earliest years.
Addressing these
emerging emotional and
behavioural problems
when children are young
is an important societal
issue - one that should
be given the same
attention as cognitive
development and early
language development.
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Article contributed by:
Raffles Medical Group
Dated: November 2011
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Raffles
Medical
Group is
a leading
medical
group and
the largest
private
group
practice in
Singapore.
As a fully
integrated
healthcare
organisation,
the Group
owns and
operates a
network of
family
medicine
clinics, a
tertiary
care private
hospital,
insurance
services and
a consumer
healthcare
division.
Patients of
the Group
enjoy a
continuum of
care, from
having their
most basic
healthcare
needs met
through the
Group’s
islandwide
network of
Raffles
Medical
clinics, to
specialist
and tertiary
care at
Raffles
Hospital. |
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