Parenting Challenges

Article contributed by:

Raffles Medical Group

 

Parenting is a big job with many challenges.  As your child grows up, you will encounter more issues along the way, issues that may get you exasperated.  We speak to experts on what you can do to help your child through some of these difficult times.

 

On this page: 1. He’s seven years old and still wetting his bed 2. My child loves my maid more than me 3. Help, her glasses are becoming as thick as a bottle cap 4. He cries non-stop when I mention “dentist” 5. She hates school!  What’s wrong?

 

1. He’s seven years old and still wetting his bed.

Bedwetting is a common issue among young children and can last into the teen years.  It is often a natural part of development, and they will usually grow out of it.  Bedwetting can be stressful to the family; the child may feel embarrassed, guilty and anxious, parents may feel helpless as they are unable to stop it.
 
To help your child (and yourself) through this process, Dr Wendy Sinnathamby, Specialist in Paediatric Medicine, Raffles Children’s Centre offers the following advice:

 

1.	Reassure your child that bedwetting is part of the growing up process and will stop.
2.	Remind your child to go to the bathroom before going to bed. Drinking less fluid at night and increasing fluid intake in the day and regular toileting can help.
3.	If your child wakes up with wet sheets, don’t scold or spank him. Involve your child in the changing of the sheets. Rather than a punishment, explain that this is a process and his helping with the change is appreciated.
4.	Offer praise when your child has a dry night.
5.	Although it is common for children to bedwet, it is still worth getting a child who continues to bed wet beyond five years reviewed at least once by a doctor to rule out any underlying medical cause.

 

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2. My child loves my maid more than me.

Maids are becoming a common member of the Singapore household with the increase of dual-income families.  As your maid spends more time with your child doing things for and with him, invariably a bond will develop in their relationship.
 
Raffles Counselling Centre’s Psychologist, Mr Danny Ng, cited this incident when his friend’s three-year-old daughter fell off the sofa.  Instinctively, the crying girl got up and ran towards where her parents and maid were sitting. “What shocked me was that she ran straight into the maid’s arms for comfort and did not seek her parents' attention even though they were just beside their maid.  It was a painful and sad scene.”
 
Mr Ng outlines some suggestions you can try out to change this situation:

 
a) When at home, relieve your maid from child minding responsibilities.

b) Do activities with the child read, sing, play and watch television together.

c) Spend time with child before bedtime and to put them to sleep.
 
And a final word of caution, buying your way to your child’s heart with presents or treats will not work.  Relationships are not built on a birth certificate but time together.  The greatest gift that you can give to your child is YOU!

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3. Help, her glasses are becoming as thick as a bottle cap!

Myopia is a growing problem in Singapore.  It affects one in four seven-year-olds, one in three nine-year olds, and half of 12-year-olds.  Unfortunately, myopia will continue to increase with age till your child reaches adulthood. Hence, the challenge would be to prevent myopia in the first place or to slow down its progression.
 
To do so, Dr Lee Jong Jian, Specialist in Ophthalmology, Raffles Eye Centre, recommends:
 

a)	Giving the eyes ample rest.  This can be done through taking eye breaks every 30 minutes while doing near vision work.
b)	Reading should be done under sufficient lighting.  Avoid uneven lighting and movement while reading as it will worsen your child’s eyesight.
c)	Sitting at least two meters away from the TV and holding books 30cm away from the eyes.
d)	Eating well-balanced and nutritious meals, with vegetables and fruits.

 

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4. He cries non-stop when I mention “dentist”.

Your child’s baby teeth are essential as he uses them to chew food and talk clearly.  Just as important, baby teeth help create space for permanent teeth.  If any baby teeth fall out or rot away before their time, the permanent teeth may be crowded and crooked.
 
It is recommended that children should go for their first dental visit when they have their first tooth.  According to Dr Rachel Chan, Dental Surgeon, Raffles Dental, this would allow your child to have as many positive experiences as possible.  It can be quite a frightening experience for your child going for his first dental visit.
 
Dr Chan advises what parents can do to make visits to the dentist a breeze:
 

a)	Keep dental visits low-key and comfortable.  Children respond best to positive modeling and the best first appointment situation is to have the accompany you for your dental examination (with prior arrangement with your dentist).  Let them come in with you so they can be introduced and have a quick "teeth counting" session and a ride in the chair.  Another care-giver could take them out right after that.
b)	Schedule your child's dental appointment early in the day when your child is alert and less likely to be cranky.
c)	Talk with your child about the visit, but don't be specific about what will happen, and don't use words that may scare them such as "pull" or "jab." Never threaten to take a child to the dentist if they have been bad or refused to brush their teeth.  They will have negative associations with visiting the dentist.
d)	Your chat with the dentist may also encourage your child to think of the visit as natural and painless.  If treatment is required, it is best to keep chatting to the child about normal everyday things eg. movies, favourite food whilst the dentist is working to keep the child's mind off the treatment.

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5. She hates school!  What’s wrong?

School should be a happy and exciting place for children.  When this is not the case, it is important to understand why.  Questions to ask yourself include, “was your daughter happy to start school, but for some reasons, school is not meeting her expectations?” or “is she struggling with the expectations of schooling?”
 
Dr Veronica Toh, Specialist in Paediatric Medicine, Raffles Children’s Centre, advises parents to:

 

a)	Discuss the observations with your daughter’s form teacher and counsellor and find out how she is handling school.
b)	Bring up these concerns with your daughter’s GP or paediatrician, or get a child psychologist to evaluate her for signs of anxiety or for learning or language problems.
c)	Speak to her often to help her understand that you are trying to understand her needs.  Praise her by telling her how brave she is to go to school every day.
d)	Work with the school to ensure they do the same for her.

 
By expressing confidence in her abilities and through positive reinforcement on what she is doing right every day, you may slowly see her starting to like school after all!
 

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Article contributed by:
Raffles Medical Group

Dated: November 2011

 

 

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